Things I wish I knew a.k.a. life with a newborn... ahh!!! or being a first time parent

When you're pregnant with your first child, often times the labour and birth process is the *big focus* leading up to the actual birth.  Women and couples seem to take a lot of time learning about and preparing for labour: knowing what one might expect, coping strategies, drugs, etc.  This is a good thing to prepare for, as giving birth is oftentimes compared to a marathon.  One must prepare for these things!  You don't expect to successfully complete a race or marathon without some sort of training, why would you for birth?  But still, in the grand scheme of life, labour and birth is (usually) a day in one's life.

What I wish I was more aware of is the process of taking care of a newborn.  Specifically, all the different things I did not realize would happen in the first few weeks of our little person's life.  Of course, being a rational, thinking adult, we had an idea of what to expect.  We even know that there'd be unexpected things to come, though with no real way of predicting as each person's experience is so different.

There are a few things that have surprised me in the past few weeks.  Here are some things that I wish I knew, or perhaps better phrased, some things that I've learned that I didn't think about or realize prior to having my own offspring.

1.  Nursing is not easy.

When I saw nursing women, or thought about nursing at all, I thought it'd be really simple.  Latch baby on boob, baby sucks what he needs, burp baby, done!  It's a beautiful system.  Did not quite work out this way.  Apparently, my baby wasn't sure how to latch on to me and needed assistance.  Enter: nipple shield - a small silicone sombrero looking thing that facilitates easier latching for babies whose mom's parts don't easily facilitate latching on.  We continue to use this.  As recorded earlier, I hope to wean the boy off the sombrero eventually.

Also, blocked milk ducts and mastitis, archenemies of the nursing mother.  Seriously, sometimes it feels like a milk explosion is imminent.  At times like this, I encourage my baby to wake up from his beloved sleep to help avoid a milk disaster.  Or the handy breast pump gets a lot of mileage.

2.  Hormones create cares that weren't before.

I'd never been bothered about how our living space was so undecorated.  We'd our basic furniture pieces and a few decorative things on tables and shelves, but nothing on the floors or walls, leaving the main space very un-cozy.  Postpartum, this drove me crazy and I hated being in the living room.  I complained about it multiple times a day.  My loving and super-duper-caring husband took my complaints and transformed them into a better decorated space.  We now have Christmas decorations (which need to come down soon), a new woolly rug, and wall decorations.  Makes a huge difference and I am now totally okay with being in the living room.  Or it could just be that my crazy postpartum hormones are drying up.

3.  Mommy guilt is real.

During pregnancy, I'd already felt some mommy guilt because baby was *so* closely connected to what I do, eat, say, etc.  But when baby comes, mommy guilt hits phenomenal highs.  I felt worried and guilty about many many things, things that I'd never thought would be a big deal.  There were particular instances of mommy guilt that pre-motherhood, I'd actually scoff about when I heard it described to me by friends or acquaintances.  I scoff no more.  There is not really always rhyme or reason to mommy guilt.  Even if one realizes that it'll probably be okay, life is not in my control anyways, we do our due diligence but God is the sustainer of breath, mommy guilt can still linger.

We do a little bit of mixed feeding (breast milk and formula) once in a while.  We've given K a bottle of formula or expressed breast milk (EBM) in the evening if he's cluster feeding before his long sleep.  Or we've given him formula if we're out and about or he's being cared for by family.  I know my kid needs to eat.  I know formula isn't going to harm him.  I know once in awhile, it's just fine.  I know all this in my head, but still mommy guilt lingers and wishes my boy can be exclusively breast fed (EBF).

But even if he is EBF, there's the matter of whether or not he's getting enough fat content in my milk supply.  Apparently, I make some pretty skim milk!!  It's much harder for a little one to stay full on skim milk.  And to put on baby rolls.

I could go on.  But I won't.  You can discover it on your own.  It will happen.  Or you're already familiar with it.

To new expectant parents out there, watch out for mommy (or parental) guilt.

4.  My eyebrows haven't been plucked for close to two months.  And I don't even care.

Things that used to matter suddenly get prioritized and become very unimportant.  Like certain aspects of personal hygiene.  Eyebrow plucking.  Showering when you can, even if it's every other day, give or take.  Breast milk and spit up on clothing, just part of the scenery nowadays.  House chores.  dirty dishes in the sink.

Another thing that has been prioritized for me (or it could be the hormones.  Or mommy guilt.) is that I am no longer friendly with my cats.  In fact, most of the time they bother me.  I want to keep them in the basement way more often than I used to.  I don't like how they smell, I don't like how they walk over everything.  I'm paranoid that they're going to spread their yucky cat bacteria on my child.  It's just paranoia; I know I can't rid the environment of all germs.  And I still actually do like them, I just don't behave as such.  Especially the psycho one, mukmuk.  He drives me absolutely crazy.

5.  Even if you're the most self-aware person in the world, being a first-time parent will teach you things you didn't realize about yourself.

Most who know me will likely consider me a pretty chill, laid back, relaxed person.  I would consider myself as such.  I'm particular about certain things, but most of the time, most things aren't a big deal to me.  Becoming a parent has shown me how controlling I am and how much I actually desire routine and structure.

The first couple of weeks of being a parent, I became quite anxious about how to care for my son around the clock.  I found myself constantly looking for a routine or pattern with my newborn.  As any one who's ever had a newborn can tell you, newborns don't really have a routine or schedule that is bound by time.  They definitely have a pattern: eat, sleep, poop, pee and occasionally cry and be alert.  But these events can't be charted by a "shape of the day."

When I finally realized what I was searching for despite the fact that it wasn't going to happen, I began to relax and just go with the flow.  I found myself with more brain space and energy to enjoy nursing, to talk to my kid, to sing to him and pray for him, to take pictures of him, etc.  It was a lot better because newborns just won't conform to my schedule :)

Hi Aaron gu gu!
(Photo courtesy of brother)

I think there are more things that being a first time parent has shown me.  In the meantime, these are the ones that stand out the most.  I'll probably record more as I think about this throughout early parenthood.