If you're at all squeamish and/or aren't interested in reading about surgery, then you ought to stop here. There may be too much information for your liking. I'll try to be mild, but you're the best judge of what suits your taste. You've been warned.
Here continues what happened on the day of surgery:
Brad and I got ready as soon as we were up. I was geared to perform. My nerves had pretty much disappeared. When I was in school and had to do any sort of presentation, I always wanted to go first, or really close to the beginning. I just want to get it over and done with so I could enjoy the rest of the presentations without feeling jittery. This was the same feeling I had that morning. Let's meet this little person who's hung around us for the past 9 months inside of me!! Brad and I prayed together, got some juice for me in case I had some sort of diabetic reaction due to not eating before surgery (8 hours... sheesh was I hungry!) and waited for his parents.
My in-laws came to take us to the hospital shortly before 6 AM. We were supposed to meet with the anesthetist prior to the surgery itself. But since our scheduled surgery was somewhat short noticed, a meeting didn't happen and was supposed to happen the morning of the c-section. Well, we were a little bit late. When we arrived at the hospital, we prayed together and headed into emergency for admittance only to be told that admittance is open since it's after 6 AM. Oops.
We were admitted and headed up to the birthing suites.
In the birthing suites, we met a few nurses, was shown our room where we'd wait until it was time, were given scrubs and a gown, and we listened to music and chatted. Also at this time, the nurse told me what the morning would look like leading up to 8:30 AM (scheduled surgery time), took my vitals, checked baby's heart rate, gave me an I.V. (which I HATED and was terribly whiney about...), and prepped the incision area by giving me a quick... ahem, shave. As we waited, we were told that our surgery time is actually 9:00 AM - meh, no big deal. By this time it was probably close to 8 AM. Time passed surprisingly quickly considering I was just laying in bed waiting. At this time, we also met a couple of doctors and medical professionals who would be participating in our surgery.
Shortly after 8 AM, I heard my doctor's voice out in the hallway. Excellent. I heard them say that my surgery time should be 8:30 as planned, and since the doctor is here they should go ahead with moving me into the operating rooms. My doctor came in to do a quick ultrasound to see if baby had flipped around. He hadn't. Baby was as steady as the day is long, as his daddy is described by his mother. I think our kid's personality will be a strong mix of both mine and Brad's firstborn tendencies. Great~
My nurse came to walk with me to the operating room waiting area. Once there, I lay down again on a bed in the waiting area. Brad came with me to keep me company. It was probably about 8:45 -ish by this point. When they were ready for me in the operating room, Brad had to leave the operating room. The nurse would bring him into the operating room when I was completely prepped for surgery.
I was brought into the operating room by a couple of nurses. They chatted with me and told me what to expect and what to do. They transferred me to the operating table. I was introduced to the anesthetist who told me what she was going to do. In the operating room, there were already 4 people: 3 nurses and the anesthetist. There would be 4 more people coming in: about 3 other doctors and the birthing suite nurse.
On the operating table, I had to sit up on the edge of the bed and hunch over so that my spine was completely curved. One of the nurses supported me in this position. The anesthetist was *really* good and explained very thoroughly what she was going to do and what I might feel. She told me that she'd freeze the area before inserting the spinal anesthetic. I'd feel a sharp sting, like a bee sting, but it'd pass quite quickly and my bottom would begin to feel warm. She said I couldn't move as she did it. Very precise work, this anesthetic injection.
She started the process by cleaning my back with antiseptic. This felt wet and cold. As I hunched over and she was about to do the local freezing, we heard someone in the hallway say, "Wait! There might be an emergency c-section!"
Everyone froze. And waited. And in less than 3 minutes, I was off the operating table and whisked back into the waiting room. I was very glad that there was an operating room prepared for a c-section because it turned out the mom and baby who needed to have the emergency section was in a bit of a scary situation. This was shortly after 9 AM. I was also super glad I hadn't received my anesthesia yet. That would've been super crappy.
They brought Brad back into the waiting area so I'd have company. In less than 10 minutes, we heard from my doctor (who participated in the emergency section) that the mom and baby were okay. It doesn't take long to get the baby out at all, we remarked. The rest of the surgery and preparations for another one, takes a bit longer. Once again, we waited and chatted. I was super hungry and trying not to think about how long it'd been since I'd eaten anything.
Probably around 10:30 AM, it was my turn! Hit repeat: Brad left, I went to the operating table, and once again was instructed to hunch over and not move. I hadn't forgotten. Once again, my back was cleaned and I felt the anesthetist press firmly on a couple of spots around my spine. She told me I'd feel the stinging now and reminded me to stay still. I seem to remember using labour breathing at this point to stay still. As she had said, the stinging didn't last long. She said I'd start to feel my bum getting warm and I did. They had me lie down and move my legs. She told me I'd start to feel my legs getting tingly. By this time, the doctors and surgeons were all in the room. They told me to move my legs and I could barely shift them. So they positioned my legs in a frog-like way. My doctor told me they would insert a catheter. I barely felt it at all. I knew there was something happening but didn't feel pain or touch sensation.
I lay with my arms to my side and had all sorts of wires wrapped and clipped on me to monitor my vitals. The anesthetist continued to tell me what I might feel. I informed her I did feel slightly nauseas as she said I might. I'm not sure if it just passed or whether she adjusted anything. At my chest, they raised a paper screen the stretched out about a metre and half on either side and high. I couldn't see any body but the screen. If I turned my head to the right, then I could see Brad, who was escorted into the operating room at this point. My doctor reminded everyone that Brad would be the one to announce the baby's gender. They were quite funny about this point because everyone gets so excited to meet a new baby that they all needed reminders not to announce it upon birth. They said that they'd just announce, "It's a baby!!!" when he/she emerges.
The operation began as soon as Brad sat down. I could feel a lot of movement, but no sensation of touch or of pain. I could tell there was a lot of pulling and tugging. At some points, it felt like they were tugging so hard at my body that I'd fall off the table! It was strange at times because I could feel the sensation of movement really high up on my body, almost where my ribs are. I think it's because the nerves are all connected, and there was less freezing higher up on my body. I thought they were cutting way higher up on my body than they actually were, as I discovered later. It's easier to imagine what the sensation of surgery feels like if you've been pregnant. Think about how it feels when your baby moves in utero. Then multiply that 100x in vigour and strength! It's quite strange.
And the operating room atmosphere, despite being a little bit scary and sterile, is actually quite relaxed and jovial. The doctors and nurses are friendly and chatty, talking about regular life stuff, vacations, their children. Brad and I tried to chat normally too, but I was too distracted by the weird sensations and ended up describing to him how it felt to be operated on as it was happening.
It took them anywhere between 5-10 minutes to get through to the womb. I could tell because suddenly I felt a lot of pushing and pressure, and it felt like a HUGE load was lifted. As that load was lifted, I literally gasped for air, I suppose because my lungs suddenly had room to expand again, and at the same time I heard the beautiful squawks of my baby protesting at being rudely interrupted in his cozy space. He began crying immediately and I was *SO* relieved. My doctor quickly showed him to us on our side of the paper screen, and we could both see that our little one is a boy. Tears involuntarily fell from my eyes.
Aside: I had an irrational fear that if I ever let my baby alone in the hospital that they might accidentally switch my baby or something crazy like that. I thought, how on earth would I know if I have the right baby? But the image of my screaming and flailing boy is imprinted on my mind. There is no way I couldn't recognize my baby.
I kept looking as the pediatrician checked him over, as Brad and nurse took pictures (and videos), and as Brad cut the rest of the umbilical cord from K. Shortly after, the nurse brought him to me and I could cuddle with him for a few minutes. (From what I can tell, this is the drawback of having a c-section. Due to completing the rest of the operation and the ensuing recovery, there is less time spent immediately with my baby.) At this point though, my head was feeling quite woozy and foggy. Have you ever taken Nyquil and felt the sleepiness set in? That's what I felt like. I informed the anesthetist and she said, "That's normal. You're doing great! Everything is fine." And then I began to shake.
This was also another strange sensation, involuntary shaking. I had to ask the nurse to take K because I was shaking so hard and trying not to. This shaking happened for about an hour. The nurse and Brad took K back to the birthing suites to weigh and measure the little guy. He was able to meet some family at this point too. Me? I was still on the operation table as they stitched me back up. This took awhile, probably 20-30 minutes. Same deal - much more pulling and tugging, without the sensation of touch or pain. I lay there trying not to shake and trying not to fall asleep.
When they were done, they transferred me to another bed and rolled me into recovery. It was quiet and peaceful in recovery. I met a couple of nurses who had to put a plastic liner under me to catch flow, and also had to put on the postpartum hospital pads/mesh underpants. I was so out of it that I didn't even think about what they were doing. I just lay there again trying not to shake and fall asleep. The birthing nurse brought K to me so I could nurse him for a bit. She was so good because I was so out of it, she held him on me and expressed colostrum so he could get what he needed.
The recovery nurse was great too, regularly chatting with me and telling me what she was doing if I was lucid enough to pay attention. I told her that I was so tired and might fall asleep. She said I should. So I tried but the shaking kept me awake a little bit. The nurse regularly checked my flow for the next 1-2 hours, checked my fundus (which wasn't so bad at this point due to residual freezing), monitored my vitals, and checked to see how quickly my the anesthesia was leaving my body (which was a little bit slower than they anticipated, but not too slow). When the shaking finally stopped, I was able to sleep a bit.
Eventually, I think it was after approximately 2 hours, they took me to our room. Oh how I loved that room. I know not everyone enjoys being at the hospital, but I really loved being at the hospital after giving birth and having an operation. The nurse call button is the *BEST* for someone in that situation. Meals are brought to you, and if you have any anxiety or concern about your baby, there are medical professionals readily willing and able to help.
In our room, I cuddled with K for a little bit before I needed to rest again. I felt like I'd been run over by something, I was so weary and tired. Nurses came regularly to check my fundus and my flow, oh and my vitals too. They told me I couldn't eat for a few more hours as a side effect of the anesthetic is vomiting. Surprisingly, I didn't feel hungry anymore so I was okay with that.
Most of the day looked like the above paragraph. Until later that evening when the nurse made me get out of bed. This was the worse. thing. ever.
She told me I had to try to get out of bed myself and go to the bathroom, which was about 5 metres away from my bed. She stayed close to me in case I couldn't make it but she told me to take my time and she pulled my I.V. along. It was extremely painful. I had to use my labour breathing for sure and it felt like it took 10 minutes to make it to the bathroom. There was very sharp and stinging pain all around my incision area, the muscles and the nerves. I couldn't really walk; I had to shuffle very, very slowly and in very small movements.
When I finally got to the bathroom, she told me I had to sit down on the toilet because the catheter would be coming out in a few hours. I was so boggled because it was so hard to bend and sit in that way. Couldn't they just leave in the catheter? Apparently not due to risk of infection for leaving it in for too long. Sheesh.... :)
The nurse taught me how to use the peri-wash bottle to keep the lady parts clean and handed me a wet cloth to wipe residual, dried, surgery gel (which 4 weeks later is still visible on my skin). I had no energy, and I hurt so much, I remember thinking to myself as I half-heartedly, feebly dabbed at my skin, WHY is she making me do this NOW?!?!?!?! I later learned that the sooner I can get up and move after the surgery, the better the healing might go. I was so resentful to that nurse. Hahahaha She actually spent a lot of time with us, and she was really good. I did not leave the hospital resentful.
When I finally made it back to bed, I just collapsed and went back to sleep. They gave me medication to take regularly. In the early morning, I asked for more pain medication. Apparently, they had given me a suppository that is a pain medication. But I was still hurting, so I was given something extra. It was nice. But I wasn't allowed to have more than that. I had to deal with the suppository and the tylenols. Which actually did do the trick. I asked for the suppository regularly over the next couple of days. And regularly popped my 2 tylenols.
Each day, I got up a little bit to go to the bathroom and I was happy to discover that it never hurt as much as the first time, or even the time before. Again, more feelings of relief! I was so grateful to have Brad at the hospital with me the whole time. Because I was so out of commission due to the surgery, he did almost everything else! Holding baby, changing baby, comforting baby, entertaining visitors, taking pictures, helping me, getting food, bringing baby to me for feeding, etc. Yes - the hospital was a good place for me to be.
Nursing.... not what I expected. I thought that it would be easy. Just place baby in position and he'll know what to do. Not quite so...
Another reason why I liked being at the hospital was because of the breast pump. Since we weren't sure when my milk would come in because I had surgery instead of natural birth, and K wasn't latching on properly, the nurses suggested that I pump to stimulate the milk production. Hopefully once there was milk, K might latch properly. I was able to use the hospital's pump and was able to get some colostrum and transitional milk to feed our little guy. He never figured how to latch on at the hospital and would scream at us every time we tried. We had to give him some formula to keep his weight up, and we also fed him whatever I pumped, if it was more than a drop.
K never figured out how to latch on properly. We kept trying each time he had to eat, but he'd just scream. So after we tried for a few minutes on each side, we'd give him a bottle of expressed breast milk or formula, whatever we had on hand. This happened even after we arrived home from the hospital. Brad went to rent an electric pump from the pharmacy the moment we left the hospital. For a few days, we continued this routine of trying to nurse K, him screaming at me, then Brad feeding him expressed milk whilst I pumped milk for the next feed.
Until our public health nurse came to see us. I talked to her on the phone and explained our predicament with nursing. She thought a nipple shield might help K latch on properly. When she came to see us, she brought one with her and magically, K latched on and began to nurse as he should be! We were amazed and so happy to see it. K continues to nurse with a nipple shield every feed. I can't complain because the single step of using the shield is less work than our previous few days' routine. Perhaps eventually with the assistance of a lactation consultant we can wean K from the shield, my sister has successfully weaned her little one from it, but in the meantime, it'll work fine. A nurse friend of ours told us that some moms use the shield for the duration of their nursing days. It's not a huge deal breaker. Phew.
That is the story of our birth experience. In the first week, I wasn't sure I ever wanted to deal with birth again. But now that we're a little bit farther away from the experience, I think I can handle it again if the Lord blesses us with another pregnancy. I'm regularly reminded still that it isn't easy. At approximately the 2.5 week mark did I stop taking tylenol as needed. Even now 4 weeks later, if I am overtired or if I'm on my feet for too long, my muscles and nerves around the incision begin to hurt. I never felt very much pain on the incision itself. For me it was usually around the incision. Each week though, I do feel better. I can tell because mentally, other than the weird sleep times, I am beginning to feel more like myself.
Coupled with healing from surgery, one also has to deal with the postpartum hormones. That was weird. I was so unlike myself: I cried over something every day regardless of whether it warranted tears or not. I'd worry about *EVERYTHING* If he slept too long, slept too little, ate too much, ate too little. I worried about him being too hot, or being too cold. I'd worry about his diapers and what he filled it with. I got really really tired of worrying as it is quite uncharacteristic of me.
I'm beginning to see the intense anxiety fade although there are still moments, of course. I don't anticipate it going away completely. The rite of motherhood, I suppose. For me, it helps to remember that the God who created K, who created me, is the same one who sustains life. We do our due diligence but God is the one who gives life, the one who makes each of us take a breath, the one who allows brain activity and development, that keeps our hearts beating. That is extremely comforting to me because despite what happens in life, I know He is good and trustworthy.
We are enjoying being new parents. It is a wild ride, but it is so good. I can hardly remember what life was like before K came into our family. Perhaps it's exhaustion or the new parent stupor that facilitates poor memory, but it's awesome. We love our little family and K is worth it. He will not be this age ever again. He will never be littler than he is today, so we look at him with love, joy, wonder and enjoyment.
Truly, the only reliable and constant factor about having a newborn is change. I never realized how much I doted on routine, structure and discipline when dealing with children until I had a newborn. But K refuses to conform to my expectations of routine and structure. Apparently, newborns are like that! Haha :) This epiphany about myself has helped me to relax a little bit. I feel much more able to roll with things since I've finally got it (most of the time) that I can't expect the same thing each day with our little guy. He eats, sleeps, poops, pees and is beginning to stay awake more, observing and taking in his surroundings.
Since hitting the month mark, he's beginning to respond to our baby chatter, smiles and laughter. It is *DEEEEELIGHTFUL* He's starting to track with his eyes a little bit longer. And he turns towards our voices when he hears us enter the room. So. Awesome.
I think I could go on and on about how awesome my kid is. But he's beginning to stir from his slumber and I really should've been napping, not blogging. Story of a mommy's life.
Until another nap time....
He is gorgeous
4 comments:
He *is* gorgeous! :) BTW, loved reading your birth story! It's always such a wondrous miracle, this whole baby-birthing stuff. It always points me back to the Life-Giver and causes me to worship in awe of Him.
We must hang out upon my return from the tundra 😜
thanks for sharing! he is beautiful!!
I have become birth obsessed since my experience and loved reading about yours as it was interesting to hear the C-Section perspective!
If you want to check mine out, I blogged it at carriepablico.blogspot.com
Still would love to meet him and catch up!
Hugs!
Carrie
Congratulations!! He is such a handsome little man - absolutely lovely! Looking forward to more posts :)
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