Reflections on growth and life

Last week I began writing a June post.  I ran out of steam and my train of thought stopped abruptly after three short paragraphs.  But thankfully, God continues to fuel this brain of mine and other thoughtful (I hope) content reveals itself to me.

It is the first weekend after my year is over.  This year is definitely definitive.  My second full-time class in my short history of teaching, and was it ever a challenge.  A bright, keen and intelligent bunch, this past year's class was overflowing with character and personality.  Each student was interesting on his/her own terms.  Their academic strength and resulting spiritual development was amazing to behold.  I LOVED listening to and observing their connections as we learned about God's world and God's kingdom.  Amazing questions: "Did the prodigal son's father worship his son?"  "Who is God's mother?"  I wish I'd written them all down.  It was just inspiring.  Another situation, when I approached a student who was serving a time-out, I offered to give him another chance (after already receiving a second chance), to which he exclaimed, "Thank you! You gave me grace."  I teared.  And told him that I loved him.

For all of this amazing display of spiritual insight and growth, this class as a whole suffered from a lack of social and emotional resilience, skill and understanding.  This was their weakness, as a whole -- not as individual characters -- and it was what we worked on the entire year.  From social stories by Cheri Meiner, fictional stories such as You're mean Lily Jean, and Chrysanthemum, to behaviour charts, kindergarten kindness, learning the words including/excluding, individual reward systems, and various other strategies and programs in place to support this area of development, the entire year was CHOCK full of dynamic methods.  I send off each child with a small, growing toolbox of social/emotional equipment praying that it will help them continue to grow in Jesus and relationally with others.

This was a year of growth for the class of 2024, and it was a year of growth for Mrs. $nider.  Each year, God shows me that His gift to me, this gift of intuitive teaching, passion for student growth and development, drive for understanding early learners, these are enabled by Him alone.  These gifts do not stem from myself.  Entirely initiated by God, these gifts must be used in reliance on Him alone.  These gifts belong to Him, in my stewardship during my time on earth.  I cannot grow proud, complacent or worldly in considering my profession as a teacher.  The use of these gifts require so much prayer and connection to Himself.  Or else, these gifts aren't effective, efficient, useful.

I have to remember to think this way when considering parenting.  This morning I thought about little bao growing.  I lay on my stomach and thought, uh oh - is little bao being squished?  No - I don't think little bao was squished.  But it led to thinking, how come there is so much worry during this gestational period?  Why is it that each day, I fight off fleeting thoughts of fear, worry, anxiety and concern with prayer and God's word?  I suppose it is because of the lack of sight.  When we cannot see something, it seems to be beyond our control.  Why would I think that when little bao is visible and in our arms, there will be less fear, worry, anxiety and concern?  Is it because we will be able to see little bao, touch little bao?

It is an illusion of control that because we can see, we can control and it will be okay.  This is far from the truth since we know that the Sustainer of all things Himself is invisible.  My life, my sustenance is not more stable than little bao's life and sustenance.  He, the Creator and Father, enables that spark of life, the brain activity and development that is formed inside a womb - mine.  He, the Creator and Father, enables that same spark of life, the brain activity and development that is inside my own head.

There is no solution.  At least, not in the conflict-resolution, problem-solving, get-things-done, pro-active mentality that most teachers are inclined towards.  God's solutions rarely, if ever, look like our solutions.  In fact, His solutions are often unexpected, surprising, unimaginable.  His signature to show, this was Me.